Sorry, Andrew Hammond. You're a perfectly respectable goaltender. You had a solid college career at Bowling Green. You've been a reliable No. 1 with AHL Binghamton. You acquitted yourself well in 35 minutes of mop-up duty with Ottawa last season. We even featured your cool mask art, which includes Alfred E. Neuman dressed as the Hamburglar, in a recent issue of THN.
But, Andrew, my boy, we have to address the elephant in the room. Don't fight it. Accept that Wednesday night against the Lehigh Valley Phantoms was epic. Own it. Enjoy it. Be proud of it.
Hammond played 36 seconds of hockey against the Phantoms. Three pucks flew his way. None touched him. All three found the back of the net in a 21-second span, making Lehigh Valley the fastest team to score three goals in a game. The fastest three goals by either side in a game came in 20 seconds, shared between the Worcester IceCats and Springfield Falcons in 1997.
Time for some fun with numbers. Divide three goals by 36 seconds, multiply that number by 60 (seconds), and multiply that number by 60 (minutes) to get Hammond's GAA for the night. You get 299.999999. Probably fair to round that puppy up to an even 300.00.
The 36 seconds of glory jumped Hammond's GAA from 3.13 to 3.31. Have a look at his night here. It's OK if you have a short attention span. This won't take long. Rimshot!
Here's hoping Hammond has a laugh about it and tells his grandkids someday. We raise a glass of eggnog to you, Mr. 300.
Matt Larkin is an associate editor at The Hockey News and a regular contributor to the thn.com Post-To-Post blog. For more great profiles, news and views from the world of hockey, subscribe to The Hockey News magazine. Follow Matt Larkin on Twitter at @THNMattLarkin