There are so many great things about hockey, not the least of which is the names of the game.
We scoured the pro, minor pro and amateur ranks to rate players – not by skill level – but rather by how well their name rolls off your tongue.
Here’s what we came up with:
10. Clayton Stoner, Houston (AHL)
Sounds like he’s been hanging out with T.J. Kemp, Barnabas Birkeland and Brandon Dubinsky a lot.
9. John Vigilante, Milwaukee (AHL)
You know what kind of justice this cowboy is after.
8. Cal Clutterbuck, Houston (AHL)
Hey, if the NHL doesn’t work out, there’s always the Professional Bull Riders tour to fall back on.
7. Mike Cammalleri, Los Angeles (NHL)
My esteemed and humorous colleague, Brian Costello, never tires of the calamari jokes, i.e. “Boy, if they ever put him between a lemon wedge and some tartar sauce he’d be unstoppable!”
6. Frantisek Kaberle, Carolina (NHL)
Sounds like a monster whose nerves are shot from driving a taxi.
5. Bear Trapp, Sacred Heart (NCAA)
Name alone entitles him to a job with Claude Julien’s Bruins. Too bad none of the Hunters ever named one of their kids ‘Deer.’
4. Ben Blood, Indiana (USHL)
Guess what he’s out for.
3. Ville-Vesa Vainiola, Lukko Rauma (Finnish League)
The real ‘Flying V.’
2. Kamil Kreps, Florida (NHL)
It’s a lay-up this guy goes into the restaurant biz after he’s done playing. All he needs to do is add an apostrophe and ‘S’ to his first name, then hire a French pastry chef.
1. Bobby Bolt, Augusta (ECHL)
At last, a name more explosive than Dirk Diggler! And best of all, from the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up file, young Mr. Bolt is from Thunder Bay.
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