The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
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From cagedheat, the personal blog of New Jersey Devils’ goaltender Martin Brodeur:
This should be quite the series. I’m not sure I like the idea of having these laptops attached to our nets but I hear Bettman knows Karate (LOL).
(update) Damn. Should have had that one. What kind of name is Prucha anyway? That guy could use another run at the buffet.
(update) Gionta is SO valuable to us. Not only is he a magician with the puck, but he’s also quite the leader. I shall call him Frodo.
(update) Gomez scores! I wonder how much money we save in unused fabric with all these oversized midgets on the team.
(update) Starting to get a little cold out here. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anyone. Perhaps I should build a fire to alert any passing ships (LOL).
(update) 6-1? I must have nodded off there. Gotta keep my head in the game. I feel lonely. I smell FrenchÂ…I meanÂ…Freedom Fries.
(update) Uh-oh, here they come. Oh, the game’s over. That’s why. Yeah, nice work guys. Blah blah blah. Someone find a cop. I have some missing Czechs.
2-0 already? Must have been when I was checking my email.
(update) Five shots. Oh, please. These pads are getting heavy. Think I’ll dry them out on top of the net.
(update) Wonder where they get the twine to make these nets? Is it imported. Wait, here comes someone. No, false alarm. Where was I?
(update) Ouch! Rafalski, you rat! Me and Bri have this game where we punch each other’s shoulder if we see a Czech player. That’s the third time he’s Straka-ed me. Bitch.
(update) Text message from the bench. It’s a Movie. Three words. First word, sounds like Â“chestÂ”? Breast? Nest?
(update) Shout out to NHL HQ for hooking me up with Missile Command. This game totally rocked when I was high schooling.
(update) Klee, I know you’re new here but watch what you’re doing. If you see a power cord behind the net, step over it! Knob.
(update) They scored? Seriously dude, I thought he was one of those cleanup crew guys.
(update) OUCH! Just got Prucha-ed.
(update) Game’s over. Very successful night. New high score in Missile Command. Oh yeah, and I think we won that other hockey thingy as well.
Gimli scores! Thanks to the NHL Network for the feed. My eyesight ain’t what it used to be.
(update) I’ve built a small fire. The refs might be a little pissed but I haven’t seen them in a while anyhow. Net twine kind of looks like marshmallows, wonder how it tastes?
(update) 3-0? Can’t a guy check his stocks, text his family and re-format his hard drive without missing something?
(update) Rafalski and Madden just nailed me! Hossa’s Slovakian, you apes!
(update) Where’s that pizza I ordered?
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday, only on thehockeynews.com.
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