The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
This Jim Balsillie is really starting to become a pain.
How dare he attempt to bring his maverick money into the staid old National Hockey League (twice) and dictate how things are done?
How dare he recklessly disregard due process and try to circumvent the rules?
How dare he blatantly attempt to rip a team from the clutches of Predators fans (both of them) who have sold out the Nashville arena since its inception Â– ok, for a couple of games at least Â– and try to move the team some God-forsaken two-bit Steeltown that has no history or basis to support hockey? (Ok, technically there is a history and there is a basis, but they certainly don’t have a logo)
Is Mr. Balsillie not aware of the steeped and storied lineage of league expansion? Is he not aware of the incredibly complex series of smoke and/or mirrors involved in starting a new NHL franchise?
Isn’t the recent impeccable track record of virtually-infallible, Mensa-worthy decisions made by the sport’s executive royalty enough to convince him of the importance of following sacred league doctrine?
Does he not realize how hard it is to maintain hockey’s status as Sport of the Future for almost 15 years?
Will he not cede regulatory and financial control to the sage business minds that govern the league, fall in line and purge these hallucinatory visions from his head?
Does he honestly think selling some sort of fruit like he does and making whatever pocket change his fledgling company makes somehow grants him renegade status to run his business wherever he wants?
Has the NHL brass not clearly proven that operating a company profitably and operating a league profitably are two vastly different things?
Can he not see what kind of talent it takes to run a business like they do?
Did Barbaro: A Nation’s Horse, teach him nothing?
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Friday only on thehockeynews.com.
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