Loose Change: Fat Lady on Line 1

So you’re a positive person. We all know that. And, as a sports fan you have a never-say-die attitude. It doesn’t matter what sort of adversity you’re collectively facing, you will somehow find a way to overcome it. I mean, there are historical precedents with the 1942 Maple Leafs and David’s nasty bolo punch that totally took Goliath by surprise.

Still, you have to be realistic. Winning one shift or not being scored on for three consecutive minutes are positive signs, but they don’t mean you’ve won the lottery or that lump on your neck isn’t contagious.

There will be certain things said, certain signs you will see, that are meant to present the possibility that your team may indeed be wearing board shorts and building sand castles alarmingly soon. Twelve of them in fact.

Top 12 Signs You’re Not Part of A Great Playoff Comeback:

12 Last Minute Club flyers litter your bench

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11 When reporters mention your team’s name, they always add the prefix “CSI”

10 Your side of the score clock has been shut down to conserve energy

9 Team trainers have been replaced by grief counselors

8 Your team mascot is now a vulture

7 The coach’s “speech” begins with a hymn

6 Your linemates carry luggage

5 Stephen Hawking gave up trying to do the math

4 The only reporter still covering your team is from Coroners Weekly

3 Your teammates ask you to sign their yearbook

2 You have an optional skate on game day, at game time

1 You have been given a small pill to bite down on, “when I give the signal”

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at