The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
– Yes, I know Disney doesn’t own the Mighty Ducks anymore, but the only way I’m even going to begin to cheer for Anaheim is if I see the clause in the purchase agreement unequivocally guaranteeing Emilio Estevez will never appear in public again.
Thinking like Tim Connolly: Now where’d I park?
Thinking like Tim Connolly (cont.): What kind of vehicle did I drive here?
Thinking like Tim Connolly (cont.): What’s a vehicle?
Thinking like Tim Connolly (cont.): That’s the bluest rhinoceros I’ve ever seen.
– Funny that they announce when a player has had successful surgery. What’s the alternative? Tragically Simon Gagne had a botched surgery today and now his foot is attached to his hip.
– Official Results form the First Round now in: The winner Cheechoo paid 102.90 to win, 59.65 to place and 22.17 to show; Tootoo paid 48.75 and 19.10; and Thelittleenginethatcould paid 12.75.
– A large group of Carolina Hurricanes fans are really getting into the spirit of the Stanley Cup by growing their own playoff beards to show support for the team. Â“Our husbands fully support us in this here endeavor,Â” spokesperson Annabelle Fitch said. Go Canes!
– Don’t be surprised to see a change in the playoff format next year, or at least a request for one. John Muckler, GM of the Ottawa Senators, feels the present system is not conducive to prolonged success. He’s hoping to dramatically overhaul the current system to discard a large portion of the schedule. When asked what he wished to see eliminated, he responded: Â“The month of May, preferablyÂ”.
– Good to see the Maple Leafs practicing due diligence in their search for a new head coach. No sense rushing into something and passing over a prime candidate. So far they have interviewed Paul Maurice, Jerry the Janitor, one of those chicks from The View and the ghost of Toe Blake. GM John Ferguson wants to make absolutely certain he’s found the right man (or spirit) for the job. Â“We don’t want to disrupt the momentum we’ve built up since our highly successful Bake Sale in April.Â”
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change (at least) every Thursday, only on thehockeynews.com.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org