The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
Attention All Editors and Publishers: The following are new additions to Webster’s new 2006 Dictionary and Farm report. Many of these words now entering the lexicon are derived from the world of professional hockey, so never let it be said that the only industry the NHL helps considerably is the dental one.
keenan Â– n. an allotted time span, no shorter than one year and no longer than four.
Eg. The McCormick family has been in the neighborhood for almost two keenans.
wang Â– n. a veiled business model which is, in fact, no business model.
Eg. The IRS knew a wang went they saw one and there would certainly be hell to pay.
ozolinsh Â– v. to wander dangerously; to stray.
Eg. The gazelle would still be alive today had it not carelessly ozolinshed near those lions.
zherdev Â– v. to withhold something there is no little or no demand for.
Eg. Apparently Oprah Winfrey is zherdeving Playboy for more money.
tocchet Â– n. a very large wager.
Eg. Put a tocchet on Reggie’s Hiccup in the ninth.
MLSE Â– n. a debilitating disease causing paralysis and atrophy.
Eg. Jerry hasn’t been able to even feed himself after contracting MLSE last year.
cherry Â– v. adding comment with little or no factual basis.
Eg. Carrot Top’s speech cherryed one too many times for the U.N. to be amused.
lindros Â– v. to stare off blankly into space.
Eg. Grandpa has been lindrosing badly since falling down the stairway.
goodenow Â– v. to ream or to bore deeply into.
Eg. If the bolt doesn’t fit, keep goodenowing it until it does.
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday during the season and every Tuesday during the summer only on thehockeynews.com.
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