The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
I had the chance to complete the cycle recently when I once again visited the Hockey Hall of Fame after an 11-year absence (quick hint: last time I was here was on my honeymoon; this time I was the 2006 Edmonton Oilers). To put it bluntly, a lot of things have changed.
Not the Bobby Orr exhibit though. I’m still baffled at how any player, even one with his immense ability, could move that well in bronze skates. I have a pretty good idea how his knees got that bad, that quickly.
The replicated Habs’ dressing room also was something to marvel at. Who isn’t blown away by that incredibly inspirational bit of prose: To you from failing hands we throw the torch; be yours to hold it high? That really speaks to the sports fan in all of us. Much better than the Maple Leafs’ Remember To Smile At The Suits In The Corporate Seats or the L.A. Kings’ Please Recycle.
But, as I said, things have changed, mostly in the interactive computer realm. Back in 1995, about the only thing computerized was a rudimentary game of PONG against Gump Worsley and that mesmerizing woodpecker that kept dipping its beak in the bottomless cup of water.
Things are a little different now. They have this cool game where you can try and stop shots fired at you by Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier. For the most part it was fun; that was until Messier whizzed one past my head. Moose or no moose I don’t take kindly to that, as my $3500 bill for a new display screen can attest to.
There’s also a game that lets you take shots at Eddie Belfour, or at least someone who looks like Eddie Belfour. On the one hand I doubt it’s him because he didn’t react to being shoved into the back of the net but on the other, he did start groaning uncontrollably after hyper-extending his back on, what I considered, a routine kick save.
For the really brave I’d suggest the Mr. Hockey Elbow Obstacle Course, the Salary Arbitration Simulator (3 for 4), and the Dick Pound Sudafed Sensor. It’s really quite amazing what they can do with computers these days.
All in all, if you’re bringing the kids, prepare to be blown away. If you’re using the venue for some sort of first date, I might re-think it. The place has a real bad vibe in that regard.
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday throughout the season and every Tuesday during the summer only on thehockeynews.com.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at email@example.com