The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
What I learned this week:
– Ottawa should have traded Danielle instead of Mary Ann, I mean, MarianÂ…
– Philadelphians are literal, literate and proud of their city (someone has to be I suppose). Also, if I were to visit their fair city any time soon, I might want to wear a helmet.
– Patrick Roy evidently voted No on Affirmative Action.
– Goofy said Hold. Donald said Hold. Pluto said Hold. Mickey said Sell. Sucks to be a minority shareholder.
– Either Finnish people don’t really follow the NHL that closely or Esa Tikkanen has some serious influence in that country’s Ice Hockey Federation. Residents of Tampere, prepare to be bombarded by Mikka Keenaan’s visage on your favorite can of Tuna very soon.
Top 12 Things Toronto will notice without Mats Sundin in the lineup:
12. Cases of scalp wax likely to go stale
11. CSI Stockholm DVDs disappear
10. Opponents will key more on Wade Belak
9. Nils and Olof Puppet Time cancelled indefinitely
8. Significant drop in Chunky Soup consumption
7. More team campouts in captain’s stall
6. Nik Antropov again in charge of Â“reaching for things on high shelvesÂ”
5. Alex Steen now responsible for translating Ziggy from Helsingborg Chronicle
4. Â‘C’ now worn by whoever finds Waldo first
3. No Tre Kronor pajamas in team laundry basket
2. Frequent visits from Dr. Phil
1. More emphasis on team defense and team prayer
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org