The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?
Seems like very little happens in the hockey world this time of year except for the occasional retirement or coaching change. In fact, no news seems to be big news in these parts. Hearsay and rumor seem to be more important than fact. They are a hell of a lot more interesting Â– that’s for sure.
So, here’s some of the gossip we, at Loose Change, are hearing. Keep in mind, most of the info is from single, hapless, incredible and horribly unreliable sources, although, if we happen to inextricably nail one, we’ll claim some sort of copyright.
– Edmonton has been in high gear, trying to entice free agents to the City of Champions. They’re trying to lose their image as an uncool, middling urban center. Rumor has it, Polkafest will be extended to a full 16 days this summer.
– Sabres’ coach Lindy Ruff believes the team will survive Â“just fineÂ” without either Daniel Briere or Chris Drury. Oh, and that proposed drug-testing on coaches, as well, seems to have been given the go-ahead for this season.
– Florida is trying to add that final piece to the puzzle, meaning four high-scoring center/defensemen/part-time goalies who have lots of close friends willing to buy season tickets.
– It’s certainly a buyer’s market as far as the newly-depleted Nashville franchise is concerned. Three separate groups have expressed interest in securing the club, including Billy K. from 1304 Alderwood Avenue who was Â“fighting alien cyborgs and could not be reached for comment.Â”
– Anaheim’s Chris Pronger will not be moving, is not asking to be traded, and is evidently content is every way possible (next update in 12 minutes).
– The Toronto Maple Leafs are apparently on the verge of Â“major, major trade that will vault them into instant Stanley Cup contention.Â” (wait, oops sorryÂ….this is an old memo from 1972).
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN’s hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Friday only on thehockeynews.com.
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