Once a year, I like to clear out my list of thoughts, observations and musings on not only the hockey world, but life in general. And with a week’s holiday less than two weeks away, it’s about that time.
So, here are 20 random things that have been on my mind over the last little while. Feel free to submit any or all of them to your local shrink for further discussion and analysis. I know I have.
1. If Yao Ming decides to embark on a career in rap, I hope the first song he covers is Method Man’s Â“Ya’MeenÂ”.
2. My prediction for Peter Forsberg next year: A December return, with Colorado, 38 total regular-season games played, and neither him nor his team will get past the second round of the playoffs.
3. There should be a posted rule in all movie theatres specifying that, in the event you’re the first person in the room, the people who come in next cannot, under any circumstances, sit in the seats immediately behind you. I can’t be the only one who gets creeped out when this happens.
4. Now that Jason Smith and Randy Jones play for the same team, the over/under on Â“Alias Smith and JonesÂ” jokes in stories about the Flyers this season is 412,349.
5. The fact the Boston Celtics’ roster now includes Ray Allen and Allan Ray delights me to no end.
6. First NHL coach fired in ’07-08: Guy Carbonneau. Second: Denis Savard.
7. Match not made in heaven: Claude Julien and Glen Murray.
8. On the day Barry Bonds plays his last major league baseball game, I’ll be standing and applauding. Because, a benevolent god willing, it’ll be the last time I’ll ever have to hear or see the (allegedly/obviously) Â‘roided-up sourpuss.
9. Jeremy Jacobs as the new Chairman of the NHL’s Board Of Governors still boggles my mind, and I’ve got a couple analogies I’d just can’t let fade away: Electing Jeremy Jacobs as the Chairman of the NHL’s Board of Governors is like The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame appointing Pat Boone head of the voting committee. Electing Jeremy Jacobs as the Chairman of the NHL’s Board of Governors is like Maxim Magazine naming Lou Lamoriello Editor-In-Chief. There, I feel better.
10. You know those home alarm system companies that advertise two-way voice communications systems? Do they really believe those devices dissuade hardened criminals from breaking into homes? Aren’t they just giving the crooks advance warning to hurry up and finish the loot job before the fuzz arrives?
11. Still waiting on all those apologies from hundreds of Oilers fans who lambasted The Hockey News last fall for (correctly) predicting their team to finish 12th in the West last season. Can’t imagine they’ll be as hostile, or surprised, when we pick them to dwell in the cellar next year.
12. I miss Jyrki Lumme, mainly because a Toronto TV announcer used to pronounce his name like the Swedish Chef from The Muppets.
13. I’m finally getting around to listening to podcasts of The Ricky Gervais Show. It is beyond brilliant, and highly, highly, highly recommended. I’ve got to figure out a way to make Gervais’ ultra-infectious laugh my cell phone ring tone.
14. I also am enjoying the hell out of the Â“Flight Of The ConchordsÂ” TV show. The New Zealand musical comedy duo’s Â“Business TimeÂ” song has been stuck in my head since early May, and I’m not sick of it yet.
15. Are you like me? Do you get the urge to say, Â“the power of Christ compels youÂ” every time you hear the words, Â“NHL expansionÂ”?
16. I really think Â“baby on boardÂ”-type bumper stickers have run their course for cars. Unless they’re describing the mentality of the driver.
17. Note to Dallas Stars fans displeased by their team’s lack of action in the unrestricted free agent/trade market: It could be worse Â– you could support the Columbus Blue Jackets (whose biggest acquisitions this summer were Sheldon Brookbank, Jiri Novotny and Jan Hejda) or the Carolina Hurricanes (who didn’t make the playoffs, yet only added Michael Â“Air MilesÂ” Leighton).
18. Imagine you’re Beyonce and, for a while, you’re everybody’s favorite. Then Rihanna comes along and your days at the top are numbered.
19. If you traveled back through time and told me 10 years ago I’d be typing the previous two sentences 10 years later, I’d have asked you when I became interested in geography.
20. Has there ever been a more appropriately-named player for a franchise than Nashville’s Vernon Fiddler? At least, until someone names their kid Dividend J. Monopoly and the Maple Leafs draft him?
Adam Proteau’s Screen Shots appears every Thursday only on thehockeynews.com. Want to take a shot at Adam Proteau? You can reach him at email@example.com or through our Ask Adam feature. And be sure to check out Proteau’s Blog for daily insight on the world of hockey.
Can’t get enough Adam? Subscribe to The Hockey News to get the column Proteau Type delivered to you every issue.