Show that special someone you care with ridiculous NHL-themed Valentine’s Day cards

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, a couple of teams are getting into the spirit with some player-themed cards. From Patrick Kane to Ilya Bryzgalov, show that special someone you care with the right combination of terrible pun and professional athlete.

Ah, Valentine’s Day – the one day of the year that you get to tell that special person in your life how much you care with a pun and
a picture of Patrick Sharp. Wait, what? Yes, that’s right. Thanks to the Chicago Blackhawks and Anaheim Ducks, there are more than a few wonderful ways to tell that certain someone how much you care. Both teams released player-themed Valentine’s Day Cards that will make you cringe. Even the most hopeless romantic isn’t this hopeless. Take a look at some of the best.

We start with the
Blackhawks Valentine’s Day cards, mostly because there are only a few notable ones. Like this one, starring
Ben Smith and
Marcus Kruger:
Smith Kruger Valentine You see, the joke here is that these two form the Blackhawks top penalty kill unit. And you also have to give Chicago props because they avoided an obvious Swede pun on this one (
Johnny Oduya wasn’t so lucky). And are wedding bells in your future? Well, if so, let
Marian Hossa pop the question for you.
HossaValentine Oof. That’s bad. But nothing the Blackhawks produced is quite as bad as
Patrick Kane’s card, which makes him look like he raided his dad’s closet or is about to go substitute teach an 11th grade math class in 1994. Is that a calculator watch?
Patrick Kane Valentine But if you thought those were bad, the Anaheim Ducks take the cake.
The Ducks Valentine’s cards range from awful puns to downright confusing. Like this one with
Matt Beleskey, in which, for some reason, he is pretending to be a metal guitarist.
BeleskeyValentine There are the obvious ones, like the cards for
Ryan Kesler and
Ilya Bryzgalov that play on the surnames of the teammates, or
Hampus Lindholm – who has a puppy, because why not? – getting the Swede treatment.
LindholmValentine But one of the best cards belongs to
Andrew Cogliano, the NHL’s present-day ironman. We’re not entirely sure what it means to be someone’s ironman, but we’ll assume it’s a good thing.
CoglianoValentine The Ducks and Blackhawks aren’t the first teams to go all-in on a holiday like this, and they surely won’t be the last. All we ask is that the quality remains exactly as cheesy as it is for these, because there’s nothing better than professional athletes and their team’s not taking themselves seriously. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.

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