Tom Sestito plays one second, amasses 27 penalty minutes

The latest entry in the Caveman Files is Vancouver Canucks behemoth Tom Sestito.

The latest entry in the Caveman Files is Canucks behemoth Tom Sestito.

The 6-foot-5, 228-pound left winger graced the Vancouver/Los Angeles game with one second of “hockey” Monday night. This was it:

It was “retribution” for Jordan Nolan’s attempted hit – not dirty hit, not clean hit, just attempted hit – on Henrik Sedin.

For attacking Nolan, who didn’t fight back, Sestito received a two-minute instigator penalty, 10-minute instigator misconduct, five-minute fighting major and 10-minute game misconduct. That brought his night to a close in the first period with 27 penalty minutes in one second of ice time.

Sestito carries a $750,000 cap hit and his 2013-14 salary is $650,000. That amounts to $7.926.83 per game. So Sestito earned $7,926.83 for one second of hockey.

What a joke. This is what I’m talking about when I say the game needs to remove the role of Caveman. I’m not taking a stance on fighting here – notice how I’m not complaining about Ryan Kesler versus Dustin Brown? – I’m taking a stance on employing players who do nothing besides punch people in the face. Oh, sorry, Sestito does have four goals this season, bringing his career total to nine, so I suppose he’s the best of the caveman lot.

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OK, maniacal Canucks fans, do your worst in the comments.

And here come the pretzels…

Matt Larkin is an associate editor at The Hockey News and a regular contributor to the Post-To-Post blogFor more great profiles, news and views from the world of hockey, subscribe to The Hockey News magazineFollow Matt Larkin on Twitter at @THNMattLarkin