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Loose Change: A touching story

Sometimes, those little voices in your head tend to really shout. Like that extremely unmotivated kid at Fat Camp, the last Twinkie is way too within reach for his - or my - own good. I'm resisting it for all I'm worth, but there's also that large part of me that longs to grow morally and pathetically obese.

“Just write the damn story”, the Evil Voice tells me. “It's your shtick.”

“Leave him alone”, the Good Voice pipes in. “Let him do the right thing – for once.”

They're both right. The story is just dying for my two cents, but it seems there have already been enough pennies thrown into the ring. I mean, it has everything we crave in a juicy story: love, intrigue, betrayal, stature and nasty. A whole lot of nasty.

“A lot of people could get hurt, in fact, have been hurt,” explains the Good Voice.

“Listen moron,” says the Evil Voice, “you didn't invent the story. You didn't even bring the story up. It's already out there. You're Funny Boy. Be funny.”

He has a point.

“But it's not about hockey. It's a personal story about people's personal lives. Your job is to cover hockey stories. Do a hockey story instead” the Good Voice replies.

He has a point, too.

“Again moron, listen,” an angry Evil Voice butts in, “Is the hockey world talking about it? Yes. Is it something that affects the hockey world? Yes. If Tom Cruise adopts a Martian baby do entertainment sources cover it? Yes. Are hockey fans talking about it? Yes. Do hockey fans want to read about it? Yes. Do you have some dynamite material to use? Yes. Trust your instincts my man. Get the skewers out and crank the BBQ on high. It's roasting time.”

“No, it's just plain wrong”, the Good Voice beckons, “it's better and more honorable to just…exactly what kind of material do you have?”

Well, I was going to start with something about five minutes for diving, then get into a little bit about breaking a scoring slump, followed by the fairly obvious butt ending joke, and, of course, the ubiquitous pulling your goalieÂ…

“No, no...it's still wrong. That's bathroom humor of the lowest form”, the Good Voice argues, “No one would ever want to... five minutes for diving...hee hee, that's good. But still wrong, very wrong. Just let it go and write about something else. And I mean it”

And I didn't even get a chance to use my line about a liberal caucusÂ…

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