Skip to main content

Loose Change: Friday's Top 12 - The Rory Factor

The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

Sure, you've heard a lot about janitor Rory Fitzpatrick and how he's managed to almost secure himself an All Star Game roster spot due to an online campaign and, evidently, a very large extended family, but did you know there are others?

Rory is just the tip of the proverbial ice skate when it comes stuffing the ballot box.

Here now are the Top 12 additional candidates who have garnered a whole crap-load of online write-in votes:

Top 12 All Star Ballot Write-In Candidates:

12 Sammy McSmellypants

11 Xena

10 Jenna Jameson

9 Borat

8 Al Gore

7 Han Solo

6 None of the Above

5 Tim Horton

4 Barbaro

3 Jesus

2 I.P. Nightly

1 Pedro

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday, only on

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at



Screen Shots: Alfie to the Hall, Kuemper and Filip Forsberg's Future

Adam Proteau fights for Daniel Alfredsson's hall of fame case, discusses the goaltending situation in Colorado and the future of Filip Forsberg in Nashville.


Memorial Cup Three Stars: Hamilton Stays Alive

The Edmonton Oil Kings had a heartbreaking end to the Memorial Cup, with the Hamilton Bulldogs staying alive after a tough start to the tournament. Take a look at three of Tony Ferrari's standouts from the wild Friday contest.


Stanley Cup Final Notebook: Sizing Up Game 6

It's another travel day, with the Tampa Bay Lightning holding off the Colorado Avalanche for an important Game 5 win to keep the season alive. Here's what the teams had to say on Saturday.