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Loose Change: Heart attack

The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

Valentine's Day brings out the best and the worst in all of us.

At its best it's about expressing deeply felt emotions through the power of verse; about attempting to touch someone's soul with just the right words and about laying your heart totally bare for all the world to see.

At its worst it's about breaking into other people's mailboxes, rampaging through sensitive private property and exploiting their personal correspondence for your own selfish gain, simply because it's really, really late and you have a deadline looming.

Such are the incredible ethical dilemmas we journalists face every day. There is a price to be paid to keep a discerning audience thoroughly entertained and, if that means risking jail time, well then, in the end we'll blame it on the guy whose command of the English language is the weakest.

All in all I think you'll agree, this slight transgression of the law was well worth it in the end. I mean, take a look at this Valentine's Day haulÂ…

I want you.

I need to hold you.

Don't let him stand between us.

(Mark Messier sends a Valentine to Glen Sather's job)

You not only

saved a life


You also

made me believe again.

(Brad Stuart, to The God of Trades)

The more I think about it,

The more I still love you.

(Joe Thornton, also to The God of Trades)

You're smart

You're sexy

You're beautiful

You're everything, anyone could ever want.

(Jeremy Roenick, to himself)

God, I miss you

What happened to us?

When did we start drifting apart?

Can we try again?

(Sergei Samsonov, to his career)


You will feel

My hands

On your face

Again and again.

(Sidney Crosby, to Aaron Downey)

I know you've said it,

What you think of me,


A couple of times..


It would mean so much

To hear it

Just one more time.

(Ted Saskin, to the NHLPA)


I know I've kind of

taken you for granted.

And I don't say

Or show

How much I enjoy having you around.

But I do.


Please don't go.


(The Carolina Hurricanes, to the Stanley Cup)

I put on

A little something


I think

You want me


You just don't know it yet.

I'm willing to do




To get your attention.

Yes, Big Boy


(the NHL, to America)

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at


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