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Loose Change: Radio Ga-Ga

Perhaps man wasn't meant to multi-task. More to the point, perhaps this man wasn't meant to multi-task.

As if eating Cheerios while soaking my feet wasn't enough, I decide to up the ante by adding two more elements to the equation. In this corner, a TV tuned to NHL hockey. In this corner, headphones blasting the jovial sounds of the season.

The combination seemed benign enough, but the results are a tad more interesting:

I'm dream-ing of a big slug-fest,

Just like the ones I used to know.

Where no words are spo-ken 'cause their teeth are bro-ken,

The pretty blood trails in the snow.

(Funny, I don't remember the words exactly like that)

Dashing through the League

In more wide-open play;

Little guys with speed

Laughing all the way.

Whis-tles blow with ease

They finally got it right

O what fun it is to see

The box filled night by night

(A catchy little ditty, that one)

We Three Kings, of Los Angeles are,

Won-dering what he has planned for that tar.

U-S-A hockey, a-bout to get rock-y

Roe-nick's a pissed off star.

(Seems plausible)

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, Mike Milbury gave to me,

Young Jason Spez-za,

Big Todd Ber-tuzzi,

J.P. Du-mont!

Ol-li Jo-ki-nen,

Wade Red-den,

Brew-er and Mc-Cabe

And Luongo essentially for Free.

(No partridge? No pear tree? Not even Per Joos)

Sil-ver Mug, Sil-ver Mug

You have beach-front space near the city.

Stum-b-ling, Stum-b-ling,

Soon you'll be leaving the Bay.

(Songs as metaphors for life. What a concept)

Oh, the le-vel of play is frightful,

But their fans are so de-lightful,

They have so much room to grow,

Columbus blows, Columbus blows, Columbus blows.

(Door #1: Chimes. Door #2: Chimera)

You better watch out, you better not cry,

You just signed a lout, I'm telling you why,

The salary cap's af-fecting your town.

He's making a list, checking it twice,

Gonna find out who's allowed on the ice,

The salary cap's af-fecting your town.It sees you've spent too much dough,

It sees you when you broke the bank

It sees your team's much wea-ker.

It sees your team's a-bout to tank.

O, You better watch out, get ready to cry,

Your team's almost out, I'm telling you why,

The salary cap's af-fecting your town.

(I think it has “Instant Classic” written all over it)

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday, only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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