Well, kids, it’s that time of year again. Seems everyone is putting out their own version of an NHL player poll. ESPN has one, as does Sports Illustrated. I think most of the local papers do it too. Hell, The Hockey News might even (I just read the Classifieds).
You’re familiar with player polls I’m guessing. We high-powered media send out a questionnaire to a select number of players (those whose names we can spell) to get their opinions on everything hockey (Who is the league’s cutest Finnish-born third line right winger?) and beyond (Is marmalade overrated?).
Keep in mind Loose Change’s player poll is the only one that’s not anonymous (which might explain having only nine replies – three from my mother) but, as they say, if you can’t say something nice about someone please keep your questionnaire to yourself.
Herein lies the results of the Loose Change 2010 NHL Player Poll. Margin of error, uh, seven?
Who is the league’s most overrated player?
21% Dion Phaneuf
7% Wade Redden
69% read this when it first ran in Sports Illustrated
69% pencilled in “plagiarist”
Who is the league’s most underrated player?
32% said Ura Dork (editor’s note: can’t find him in the NHL Media Guide)
17% Sidney Crosby
15% Alex Ovechkin
12% asked for “more legible photocopies”
If you had one game to win, which goalie would you want in net?
21% Martin Brodeur
19% Roberto Luongo
17% “You’re allowed to do this?”
If you could play for another coach, who would it be?
31% Pat Quinn
21% Lindy Ruff
1% “Thanks a----le! You just got me traded!”
If the league were to expand, which city should it go to next?
37% Rio De Janeiro
29% San Juan
27% Oahu
What do you listen to before a game?
29% Metallica
23% Beyonce
21% Jay-Z
18% The coach
Which Sedin is the best?
62% Henrik
34% Daniel
4% Timmy
Who is the NHL’s dirtiest player?
44% Chris Pronger
29% Sean Avery
28% Scott Hartnell (“Who knows what’s in the mane of hair”)
Have you ever taken a supplement in an attempt to improve performance?
34% Sudafed
21% Extra Strength Aspirin
19% Viagra
9% Cheerios (frosted)
Which building has the best atmosphere?
31% US Air Arena
24% United Center
22% The Louvre
Should visors be mandatory?
74% Yes
58% Yes
42% Yes
18% Yes (paper badly torn, blood spots all over)
Is the NHL season too long?
No responses
12 Return-to-senders
Is there enough being done to protect players from hits to the head?
28% No
21% Yes
15% Undecided
14% responded with duplicate surveys
One guy sent in a drawing of a duck
Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre cartoon, brings you the humor column Loose Change every Tuesday. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.
Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Check out his website at charlieteljeur.com.