Skip to main content Blog: Throw a very heavy book at Simon

The Hockey News

The Hockey News

At this point, the only thing left to say about Chris Simon is this: For the love of all that is good about this game, Colin Campbell, “Marty McSorley” the heck out of him.

By that, I don’t mean swing a stick at Simon’s unsuspecting head. Instead, I mean suspend him long enough that his on-ice career never again resumes. Make it so this last contribution (highlight) to his playing legacy is one that’s a fitting example of the heinous acts he has intermittently unleashed on unsuspecting opponents over the course of his time in the NHL.

In other words, throw the book at him – and once you’re done, pick up the book, cut off the corners so they’re extra sharp, and throw it at him again.

And please, spare me the “Chris Simon does a lot of good things for people” business. I’m sure deep down in his misunderstood, peace-loving soul he’s anything but Satan incarnate and would love to buy the world a Coke. But that doesn’t excuse the latest in a long line of outrageous acts; acts that in almost any other sport would’ve secured him a lifetime ban a long time ago.

If there is anything positive to take away from Simon’s latest assault, it’s the fact that it comes at a time where the “drop the instigator rule” talk is making a surge in popularity. One of the central tenets of the anti-instigatorites is that, left to their own devices, NHLers will clean up a game that has lacked personal responsibility ever since the league decided to remove their god-given right to employ cartoonish violence in the name of winning hockey games.

Well, here’s your benevolent policeman. Here’s your tough guy with a heart of gold. Here’s one of the true guardians of the game, someone who only has the best interests of his fellow players in mind.

Simon does not deserve the privilege of playing in the best hockey league on the planet, and hasn’t for some time now. He has disgraced the league, his buddy Ted Nolan, the New York Islanders, and the game itself for too many years, and will continue to enter into a state of “temporary insanity” for as long as he is permitted to.

I hate sounding like Susan Powter, but someone needs to stop the insanity.

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