It’s the most wonderful time of year, at least according to that song. And since it’s better to give than receive, here’s a holiday gift guide for all 31 NHL teams. (No refunds or exchanges, please.)
Anaheim Ducks: Keep your partridge in a pear tree, the Ducks need some scorers to start a-scoring.
Arizona Coyotes: As much Antti Raanta bubble wrap as you can find.
Boston Bruins: Brad Marchand in an elf costume. For the whole year.
Buffalo Sabres: Don’t worry about the Sabres this holiday season – they’ve finally discovered that winning is the gift that keeps on giving.
Calgary Flames: A Mike Smith rebound or a David Rittich reality check. The Flames don’t need both, but they need one or the other.
Carolina Hurricanes: A ticket to the spring dance. The last time the Canes made the playoffs, Andrei Svechnikov was nine years old.
Chicago Blackhawks: A really good coach with a really good mustache.
Colorado Avalanche: Second and third helpings of the first line.
Columbus Blue Jackets: If the Blue Jackets believe in Christmas miracles, they’re envisioning team-friendly, sugar-plum contracts for pending UFAs Sergei Bobrovsky and Artemi Panarin.
Dallas Stars: Pretty much anything except a goal post for Tyler Seguin – he’s already had plenty of those this year.
Detroit Red Wings: They could use a lot of things, but what the world needs now is more D-Boss videos.
Edmonton Oilers: Four more players like the four players – Connor McDavid, Leon Draisaitl, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Alex Chiasson – who have combined to score two-thirds of the Oilers’ goals this season.
Florida Panthers: A victorious playoff round. The Panthers haven’t won a round in the post-season since their stunning run to the Stanley Cup final in the franchise’s third year of existence in 1996.
Los Angeles Kings: A No. 1 overall draft pick who’s more like Jack Hughes than Ilya Kovalchuk.
Minnesota Wild: The State of Hockey desperately wants a playoff run. The Wild haven’t made it to the conference final since their surprising post-season success as a third-year team in 2003.
Montreal Canadiens: More Alex Galchenyuks to trade for more Max Domis.
Nashville Predators: For P.K. to be OK.
New Jersey Devils: Don’t deck Taylor Hall with boughs of holly, sticks of graphite or anything else.
New York Islanders: The chance to eliminate John Tavares’ Leafs in the playoffs is surely on the wish list.
New York Rangers: A Manhattan renovation without delays or cost overruns.
Ottawa Senators: All the Sens want for Christmas is Mark Borowiecki’s two front teeth. Or an arena. But right now, it looks like Borowiecki has a much better chance of getting his two front teeth.
Philadelphia Flyers: A goalie, a coach and a goalie coach.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Geez, how about a little recognition for this rag-tag bunch of no-names?
St. Louis Blues: A tourniquet to stop the bleeding.
San Jose Sharks: Hold the coffee and get a Cup for Joe.
Tampa Bay Lightning: What do you get for the team that has everything? Gold, frankincense or myrrh?
Toronto Maple Leafs: With Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner at the controls, how about a journey into infinite (cap) space for The Centre Of The Hockey Universe.
Vancouver Canucks: More young guns like Brock Boeser and Elias Pettersson.
Vegas Golden Knights: The same thing as last season.
Washington Capitals: The same thing as last spring.
Winnipeg Jets: A Manitoba miracle on ice.