As a young boy, I was interested in playing sports. The first time I gathered enough courage to join a team was for the 8th grade basketball team in upstate New York. I was tall compared to other kids and black. In a small town with a 90% white population, people said it was a sure thing - I only had to show up. It was exciting when I made the team, but that joy was tempered by the commentary leading up to the moment.
In later years I became interested in hockey at the encouragement of friends in the sport. On a trip to visit them in Montreal (then only 3hrs away) we watched the Canadiens play. I was hooked. From that point on hockey was my game. Everything would be about the teams, the stats, the strategies, but most of all getting on the ice to play. That decision shaped the course of my life for the next 47 years. There have been plenty of joyful moments along the way, but as before they were offset by an underlying prejudice in the sport. It would be a lengthy read to recount all the subtly racist etiquette and blatantly bigoted conduct from the 1970’s onward. However, the summary of my experience is that Hockey is not for everyone…especially black men. There are North American sports where people of color can pursue their athletic passions relatively undisturbed because it’s more “socially acceptable” for people to see them in that context, but hockey isn’t one of them. I’ve lost my passion for this game and can’t help but think this would never have happened if I was White.
On recreational hockey ice, everyone knows that to play with an edge will incur fights occasionally. It is the nature of a game where no tryout is required. In my forty plus years of playing, I’ve only been in three fights. Within each of those altercations, restraint was always in my mind because unlike white folks, we won’t get away with displaying the same level of aggression they do.
In Las Vegas, I officiated youth league games without a single issue. But after moving to Seattle and trying to repeat that success, I was treated horribly. On my trial weekend of service, a referee manager reprimanded me for not “getting more professional equipment”. During the same introductory game an older manager told me I only had skills for “doing squirts”, even though my Bantam class officiating had covered players up to 14 yrs old. As the only black referee, it all felt like a denigrating message to put me beneath them in status. There were no stores near me selling gear for hockey officials. I would’ve had to visit the few shops that existed in Seattle to buy enough attire that would satisfy the white staff, all for a job that was not yet confirmed. I recall an older white gent on staff tried to befriend and console me. He urged me to relax and focus on the work because there is no racism in hockey. Well, four years later, during the pandemic, he posted a meme that stated “Blacks commit all the crimes, but wanna play the victim”. I noticed that other minor league players that I knew had liked the post. When I called the author out on this racist post, he blocked and unfriended me.
About 10 years ago, I was a regular player at Drop-In hockey games in Seattle . There were two teenagers with skills well above the adults like myself. They were phenomenal players with great promise. The first was an AAPI girl and the second was caucasian boy from a nearby neighborhood. After a couple months, the rink suddenly prohibited anyone under 18 yrs old from playing Drop-In. To my shock, the boy was allowed to continue participating and eventually went on to play in the WHL. But that was the last I ever saw of the young woman. This was the ramping point in my experiences with racism in hockey.
WHL players would often play Drop-In at the rinks I frequented. There was a particular league player who bullied me incessantly with racially charged comments, leading to several uncomfortable moments in front of the other players. These were the types of attacks where someone throws their vitriol and dares you to fulfill the stereotypical role they want to see. When you don’t take their bait, your cowardice is proclaimed and they draw a victory from their audience. This is where I personally drew the line of tolerance and took the issue to management. The rink manager had a top position in USA Hockey’s Western Region, and was aware of the bully’s racist behavior, but the pandemic had ground everything to a halt. However, during that global penalty period, the manager allowed the bully to change the Drop-In from an event open to all skill levels, to a private league run by him. Rewarding this person with private ice time was not acceptable. So I asked USA Hockey to review the manager's actions. I spoke with a woman who was essentially their version of a Minority Affairs Officer. She listened to my account of events and commented that she deals with numerous similar cases on a daily basis, and the situation was “a hot mess”. She forwarded the information to USA’s Hockey Legal Counsel, but their response turned out to be worthless. They misinterpreted my concerns and thought I wanted them to get between me and the bully. My concern was only about the preferential treatment given by the local manager. They stated that because neither of us were USA Hockey members, and the incidents didn’t happen during any of their officially sanctioned events, there was nothing they could do. In retrospect, this was probably not the correct department to handle this problem, and I should have taken it straight to Human Resources. The duty of corporate HR, despite what they tell you, is to protect the integrity of the employer. It’s difficult to say what they might’ve done, but there would have been a scrubbing of the problem, at minimum, to preserve the image of USA Hockey. Regardless, they intentionally twisted my words to fit a scenario where they had no obligations.
Events beyond the USA Hockey experience grow somewhat longer, but are crucial to the escalating story of racism in hockey. In the 1990’s I started playing Drop-In games at Eastgate Ice Arena. Never had a serious problem with players there, just the usual hockey scuffs. Work/Life imbalance didn’t allow frequent attendance, but I fit games into my schedule enough to be a regular. Everything changed however when Eastgate was acquired by ABC Ice Sports. In 2017, I started receiving subtle racist jabs at Drop-In play. At first it was just harassment about my skills from a random player, but then the rink manager joined in, almost tag team style. I felt ostracized because they didn’t criticize any of the white players at my level of talent. At the time, their own website had no skill criteria for public Drop-In. But when I brought it up with the rink manager’s boss, their only advice was “Maybe taking time away from the rink would be good for you!”. I had taken that path before - nothing changed. The upper manager pointed out that no one else had ever complained about the two individuals. Admittedly, I couldn’t be there to watch all of their sessions, but I witnessed enough to realize they didn’t harass anyone else. Which is why there were no other complaints. Their boss investigated my claims somewhat, but only interviewed the bullies and their personal friends. Of course, they found no evidence of racism or harassment and concluded I had an “attitude on the ice”. They then permanently banned me from all Eastgate properties. They never articulated precisely what I’d done to merit the harsh punishment. It certainly couldn’t have been related to my skills because there was an actual player in his 80’s, who could barely move on skates. He was a local hockey legend long ago, but was in serious danger now against other players.
Several days later, the ban was unexpectedly lifted. My guess was that an attorney or business advisor came late to the party and realized the potential liability in their overreaction. But even with the ban lifted it didn’t feel safe playing lunchtime Drop-In’s. I did not want to be involved with this organization until they got credible diversity and inclusion training. Four months later, I learned they had done just that but never disclosed details or who was involved. Why in secret? Well, as I said far above: HR protects the image of the company. If it’s known you’re seeking out this training, then you’re admitting there is a problem. Having some kind of training on record affords a little liability immunization.
The COVID-19 pandemic arrived in late 2019. I stayed away from rinks entirely. My desire to play hockey was greatly outweighed by the urge to be immune & alive. A few times I would practice hitting the puck around empty arenas, but those opportunities were rare. The nature of my job enabled my employer to get me early access to the first vaccines. In the spring of 2021, I resumed playing Drop-In games. There was a private group run by the Facilities Manager, Jaymes (I didn’t play in this particular one though). Also notable, was how they casually ignored the health protocols which were still in place. They changed, showered, and hollered in a small locker room, without masking or distancing. I’ve found there is a strong correlation between people who are unconcerned about the safety of others, have contempt for vaccinations, and racism.
Approaching the summer of 2021, a local player came on the scene who was fast on the ice with above average skills, but had a terrible attitude. He played games aggressively and violently, with a correspondingly abusive verbal commentary. It was an abnormal nature for casual games. Once there was an unintentional collision between him and a defender. He took great offense and swung his stick at the other player's head so hard it broke his helmet visor. As the aggressor retreated to the team bench, his own teammate berated him about the behavior and they literally began a physical fight in the box. All under the horrified gaze of his own pre-school child in the stands above. The teammate who’d fought with the hostile player railed at the rink manager for allowing this combative behavior to continue. He cited the numerous similar events where the manager had done nothing. I decided to write a note to the manager which supported these observations and urged him to “do something”. I pointed out the level of aggressions committed by this white man had far exceeded anything he previously imagined was my “attitude on the ice”.
The next lunch Drop-In I attended was the only time I played again with Jaymes and Koddy at the same time. Although, later he would testify that he’d played with me many times. Neither him nor co-manager Koddy would give me the time day and I’m certain it was because of being called out on their unequal treatment of players. A simple greeting would have completely changed the situation, but they said nothing to me. Koddy didn’t actually speak to me for an entire year. It was awkward because I got along with most of the other players. At the time I had an underlying health problem that increased my COVID impact danger, so I often dressed with distance from others, but most everyone was supportive about it. Then one day an older white player, who’d previously befriended me, randomly said “Me and you are the 2 worst players here and I’m only that way because of my age”. He wasn’t joking. A rink worker heard the comment and put an immediate stop to the behavior, but the damage was already done. It was that same gut punch feeling again. You’re blissfully going on with your life, when suddenly a peer knocks you down with a racist comment out of nowhere. Every confidence you have is shattered.
The rink manager who’d given me the hardest time on the ice had started to calm down, but didn’t completely change his attitude towards me. A month prior he’d been hurling foul comments around the ice, and I’d asked his assistant manager to speak with him about it. I’d thought he was on a Zero Tolerance Policy regimen as a result of diversity training, but apparently that never happened. I was able to confirm this in a scrimmage game. The sides were uneven so I switched teams to balance things out. Play was uneventful and the goalie left the ice at the end. I’d started to skate off when suddenly the puck came to me from nowhere, and I bobbled it around because I was trying to figure out what was happening. As he himself was departing the rink, Koddy yelled back at me “That’s why you should have fucking stayed down there!”. I was too stunned to speak. A 60 something year old man, who’d already been reprimanded for prejudicial behavior, was playing head games with me, trying to start a fight. I stopped going to the rink as a regular player after this incident, visiting only a few times before the tense atmosphere just became too much. Finally, I decided to escalate the issue to the Director of Eastgate Ice Sports. This had worked previously, and the new director was an AAPI man himself. I had thought he would be more receptive as a fellow person of color, but sadly I was wrong. He kicked the issue downward to the Facilities Assistant Manager, a 50 something year old white woman.
The Assistant Manager launched an investigation into my complaint. During subsequent legal actions I later learned that it was actually a hoax. Over 90% of the data came from a single person - the same player who’d said he and I were the worst players. They had initially chosen 3 players to interview, all white. Only one gave a statement longer than a sentence, while another declined to respond. Five weeks after my interview by the white assistant manager, I called her office a couple times for any news. She initially claimed she had not received my emails requesting updates, (there were phone calls, only 1 actual email) but finally responded with a statement that my “claims were unfounded and the matter is closed”. Sensing the investigation was a sham, I wrote back protesting. I had thought she would have been more sensitive to the issue because of her adopted black children, but clearly she wasn’t unbiased enough. I would have to seek legal assistance at this point.
I consulted a number of attorneys who advised there was nothing that could be done without at least 1 favorable witness. Two weeks later, I went to the rink with requests for two workers that could verify the incidents or at least confirm our immediate conversations about them. I left their letters with an older gentleman tending the desk. I asked him point blank if anyone had ever spoken to him about me, and he said “no”. He would later testify under oath that his memory had “failed” and he did not recall receiving notes from me. Five days later, out of spite or revenge, Eastgate Ice Sports banned me from their properties for life. They never listed an actual reason in the trespass letter. Later in testimony they tried to say that I’d been told not to contact any employees at all. However, I believe the true reason was my reaction to the woman who supposedly performed the investigation into racial bias at the rink. Omitting that from the trespass petition showed they had no confidence in such an allegation.
The impact of being banned from all Eastgate Ice Sports properties was far reaching. While there are other hockey arenas in the area, joining a league there would inevitably lead to games on Eastgate rinks where I could not play. It was a diabolical strategy, locking me out of just 25% of the available arenas, ensured no team would have me. Desperate for some level of justice, I consulted with an attorney and began legal proceedings to reinstate my privileges. During discovery, I learned that the white facilities manager was the most hawkish about banning me from the arena (not the bully on ice), and he had plenty of confidence in showing his prejudices. In an email he wrote that “I played the race card thinking that it will get K***y fired” and that “I’ve been kicked out of several rinks around town”. These statements were patently false. Other than ABC Rinks, I’ve never been expelled from a facility in my entire life. As part of the process, I gave depositions to both sides. During a session with the lawyer for Eastgate I was given several obscure questions that sickened me. Two that stand out in my mind were particularly bizarre traps. First, they asked “And one of the conditions for your return was that you not be Black, correct?”. The second involved an image from the Eastgate rinks Facebook page where they asked me “How would you have reacted if there were two white children in the photo?”. Anyone who is on the right side of racial issues knows that when someone who gets defensive about racism or being called a racist, it is a red flag. If you have the physique of a professional swimmer and someone calls you fat/obese/out of shape, then you are probably going to laugh it off, shake your head, and move on. The idiocy is on them because the evidence to the contrary is obvious. Not only did the facilities manager get extremely defensive about racism, he got the organization to create a full advertisement on their non-discriminatory and zero tolerance policies. That would be dismissed as normal if it were on their main website or embedded in a company mission statement, but it was only added to their Drop-In lunch hockey page. If that isn’t sinister personal targeting, I don’t know what is.
The depressing summary of all this is that the sport may never truly welcome players of color. Key word being “truly”. There are some black players at top levels who are accepted, but I often think they are tokens to demonstrate apparent tolerance. Even that last word conjures thoughts of a seething undertone that must be tempered with great strength to maintain appearances. As long as white players of average or lower skill obtain instant acceptance, while their black peers are “tolerated”, there is a problem. If black players can’t even talk about the inequality without being eaten alive by white players, that is a bigger problem. Except for notable players like Jarome Iginla, or Grant Fuhr, or PK Subban, the NHL has never had a black superstar promoted on the level of Wayne Gretzky or Bobby Orr. Because of that lack of visible role modeling, there has never been a serious surge of hockey participation in the black community. There are not enough opportunities where someone of color can see a player who looks like them and say “I can be part of that, I want to be part of that”. Even small strides could be huge, but it seems to always be one step forward and two back, especially with social media. A high draft pick for the New York Rangers was doing an introductory zoom in 2020. An audience member wrote the N word (with the hard ER emphasis) hundreds of times in the chat, which was visible on screen during the whole interview. I have a cousin in upstate NY who began to take an interest in hockey around that time. But after witnessing this event, she abandoned the sport saying “naw, I’m good”. You don’t see this kind of fallout in the other North American sports, including soccer. This problem is exclusive to hockey. As if it is some kind of sacred whites-only conclave. The more players of color enter the game, the more the institution and fans resist. A possible fix might be to start flooding the zone with color. But why would an athlete with any sense of pride, commit themselves to a sport where they are essentially one of a kind. I can see why many think it’s just not worth it.
In retrospect, I wish I had realized earlier that none of this was worth it. I gave the prime years of my life to a sport that only tolerated me. Perhaps long after I’m gone, this game will slowly evolve like Basketball, Football, and Baseball did. Then Hockey will TRULY be for everyone.