Beating the San Jose Sharks is as easy as exhaling. Everybody does it and it's virtually painless.
With one ignominious exception – The New York Rangers, who have lost every single home game in October – and there are no more left to win.
Three little words best describe last night's 6-5 overtime loss to the Sharks at The Garden – take your pick – Disgraceful, disgusting, demoralizing. Or, choose all three and you'll still be right.
But why? I ask you why can't these wobbly non-winners be better and beat losers like San Jose?
Maven Round Table expert in charge of Rangers losses, Jess Rubenstein, has an interesting take: "They couldn't beat San Jose because they were afraid to lose to the Sharks! The Blueshirts should be ashamed – allowing the NHL's worst team to score six goals."
Al Greenberg, another distinguished Round Table vet, flew up from Florida for the game. "The Rangers continue to deteriorate," says Big Al. "They offered zero shots in overtime after taking initial possession (for about a minute.)"
The Maven's Booby Prize goes to the highest-paid NHL goalie but obviously not nearly the best, Igor Shesterkin.
Iggy faced 24 shots and came away with 18 saves. I'm still waiting for his post-game comments. The captain J.T. Miller did face the media posse and asserted the obvious.
"This is not the identity we're trying to build here," said the commodore. At that point I heard a little birdie chirp: "Well, no kidding!"
The Maven always loves hearing what defenseman Adam Fox has to say because he's a Harvard man, remember. In crisp, university-ese, Foxy explained;
"It was pisspoor of us. It's really not the way we want to play hockey."
No kidding, pal. Well, if you really believe that then how about playing the game it was meant to be played and not lose five out of five at MSG.
The Toothless Sharks Are The Perfect Prescription For Sick Blueshirts
There's good news tonight. (Well, maybe).
That dear boy, Matt Rempe tried to add some punch for his pals by swinging away with Sharks naughty fellow Ryan Reaves. Although the Blueshirts' skating giraffe has 16 years and eight inches on Double R, The Remper not only didn't win the fight, he exited with an injury.
Finally, let's not forget that the Rangers imported coach Mike Sullivan as an improvement over the forgotten Peter Laviolette.
"We have to learn how to win," Sully concluded in his post mortem.
They can't fire the general manager; they can't fire the coach, so what is there to do?
Get outa town; go to Calgary; play the Flames, the second-worst team in the league. Hey, ya never know!