The Hockey News’ second issue of 1987 boldly posed the question, “What if Dr. Frankenstein had designs on taking over the NHL?"
The Hockey News 1/9/87The illustration by Rob MacDougall, whose art graced the pages almost weekly for more than 15 years, puts Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Peter Zezel and Dale Hunter in the roles of chief roboticists tasked with “assembling the NHL’s ultimate competitor.”
Among the parts included are Gretzky’s head, ankles and hands, Messier’s legs, Zezel’s feet and Hunter’s heart. Mario Lemieux’s arms make the cut, and Ron Duguay gets the nod for best hair.
The best of the bunch, however, is Mike Bossy’s nose (for the net). “To Bossy, ‘olfactory’ means ‘goal factory,’” wrote Rob Beaton. That’s just corny enough that it works.
Beaton also takes a stab at creating the worst player possible. Some parts are obvious, like Tim Hunter’s nose, Claude Lemieux’s mouth, but poor Ray Neufeld takes a beating. Though he scored 157 goals in his 595-game career, Neufeld earns the Worst Hands distinction, after which it is said that he “has refined the art of missing an open net into pure science.” Ouch.