Welcome, Matt Rempe, The Two-Fisted Giraffe. What else can The Maven call the tallest -- at 6-8 and a half, 240 pounds -- Ranger in history?
Ching (Don't Tread On Me) Johnson, (Clarence (Taffy) Abel, Ivan (The Terrible) Irwin, and Lou (Louie The Leaper) Fontinato.
These were the New York Rangers monster fighters of yesteryear.
Welcome, Matt Rempe, The Two-Fisted Giraffe.
What else can The Maven call the tallest -- at 6-8 and a half, 240 pounds -- Ranger in history?
My zoologist friend, Sigmund Demling, says he knows real giraffes who are smaller than Rempe.
Let's put it this way: Magical Matt already has gone down in Rangers history -- and I don't need Rangers historian Michael Rappaport for this -- as the first Blueshirt to win a hockey fight in front of more than 79,000 fans.
Unless you happened to have slept all Sunday afternoon, Rempe dropped the gloves against Islanders veteran Matt Martin. (According to one witness, Matty offered the invitation, and away went the windmills.)
According to the Tale of the Tape, Rempe had three advantages: height, five inches, weight, 26 pounds, and age; While Martin is a 34-year-old vet likely in his final NHL year, Rempe is a mere cherub at 21.
So, what was Rempe supposed to do, get on his knees? He obliged the other Matt and went at it, and -- although Big Matt beat Medium Matty, there were no kayos before the linesmen separated them at girth.
Of course, the mostly Blueshirt crowd toasted Ranger Rempe as if he was the second coming of Joe Louis-Mohammed Ali-Mike Tyson blended into "The Rempestein Wrangler."
"I'm ready to fight at any time," Calgary's gift to Tall revealed as if we didn't know.
What we want to know is whether this big broth of a boy actually can play major league hockey.
I suspect that's what Head Counselor Peter Laviolette wants to know as well.
Maybe, yes, maybe no. Tonight, with the competent Dallas Stars in town, we might get a clue or two.
For sure, this rather handsome giraffe will never be mistaken for Breadman or The Great Z. Over 43 games with AHL Hartford, Rempe tallied eight goals and four assists as well as 96 penalty minutes; not to mention an inglorious minus-9.
That, however, does not mean he doesn't belong with the hoi-polloi like Chris Kreider and Vinnie Trocheck.
Purists notwithstanding, there's still room for one enforcer per NHL team, or why do you think the Maple Leafs are making Ryan Reaves a millionaire?
So, The Giraffe is with us for how long we don't know, but this much we do know: when Matt Rempe stepped out on the ice at MetLife Stadium, he said, "This is so great! I can't believe it."
Believe this, my fine, feathered Rangers fans, The Rempester may just be here to stay.
Hey, I checked it out with The Bronx Zoo; giraffe season is forever!