Hail to Mike Sullivan – The Chrome-plated, shiny retread has arrived. So has the Rangers propaganda machine.
Read all about it. The Sully Bandwagon will be rolled out today. And, no, the driver is not a retread; or so the propagandists say. No, it's not same-old-same-old. (Hey, he's not THAT old like The Maven. Baby Mikey is only 57.)
I also read that when the Rangers signed Sully it was a "Home Run Hire." Sorry, Pals, but to The Maven, it's more like bases on balls.
You know how it works at the Seventh Avenue Hockey Factory. The more you blunder; the more you plunder.
For all his horrendous mistakes this past season, The Many-Titled Chris Drury received a D-minus rating from The Post's Mollie Walker.
With a report card like that you might have figured that Jim Dolan would have drop-kicked Drury all the way to Bear Mountain. Instead The Honorable One With Many-Titles received a warm commendation and a new contract to boot.
Then again, Royal Retread Sullivan missed the playoffs for the past three years. Impressive? Well, ineptitude invariably pays and – you guessed it – the
"Home Run Hire," who fouled out for six straight, is being paid the highest salary of any NHL coach. That's MSG logic.
That's roughly equivalent to turning a bunt into a grand slam home run.
Now that the Beloved Blueshirts have their two Daffy Ducks in place, it's worth noting what challenges Madcap Mike will have to surmount.
LAZY BONES: These Rangers believe that "urgency" is a dirty word and "optional practice" should be avoided at all costs.
NON-BELLIGERENTS: Blueshirt defensemen believe that it's a sin to tell a lie and even worse; a triple sin to tie up sticks in front of the net and move foes away from the crease.
EGO-CHECKING: My coach-buddy Hutch Cohen insists that "Chris Kreider's bruised ego turned into a lousy season performance." Sully will have to make nicey-nice to the one time Mr. Ranger.
K'ANDRE'S BAKE SHOP: Miller, the defenseman, will deliver turnovers a la carte whether the new coach likes them or not.
GOALKEEPER THE GOLD-KEEPER: You think you're getting big dough, Sully, wait'll you see Iggy's vault. (Once in a while he might steal a game for you but don't expect a Wild Card berth.)
Sully, don't you fret. There's gonna be a great day; you wait and see.
In the meantime, try tuning in the Caps-Canes game tonight and get a look at something you were unfamiliar with for the past years in Pittsburgh.
Playoff teams!