Off the face-off, Kurtis Gabriel and Marcus Foligno took off their gloves in one quick, fluid motion and squared off near center ice at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey.
The players on both benches got to their skates as the fans jumped to their feet, and the arena became infused with energy.
It was a moment that Gabriel had been waiting for.
Not because he had a score to settle with Foligno, but because it offered a release. A release of the emotions that Gabriel had been harboring, not necessarily towards what his opponent represented, his former team, the Minnesota Wild, but himself.
“I was gutted because I did not do enough to make it after being drafted,” he said. “Chuck Fletcher and his staff drafted me. When they were fired, I knew I was in trouble. After I had my wrist sliced by a skate in a game before I was supposed to get called up, I knew my time in Minnesota was over. It was my own pride and pressure to make it with the team that took a chance and drafted me that gutted me.
“I had made the OHL’s Owen Sound as a free agent walk-on," he continued. "It was disgusting to me that I did not make it after being drafted in the third round with amazing players like Pavel Buchnevich, Jake Guentzel, Mattias Janmark, Anthony Duclair, Carter Verhaeghe, and Oliver Bjorkstrand, who were all picked around me.”
With each swing, haunting flashbacks came to the forefront. The memory of Bruce Boudreau sending him down to the American Hockey League while riding a franchise record 13-game win streak with him in the lineup. The moment he realized the team that drafted him years prior didn’t have a need for him anymore.
It all came flooding back.
Once the fight with Foligno was over, Gabriel skated toward the penalty box. The then-25-year-old felt a different emotion as he took a seat and removed his helmet.
A feeling of happiness.
It marked his first fight wearing the New Jersey Devils logo, and as he sat for the next five minutes, he took comfort in knowing he was fulfilling his role.
“I was just happy that I was doing my job,” he told The Hockey News. “I knew that I was crushing people with hits, making (Foligno) fight me. I was being visible. Every game, I was trying to be visible because the NHL is where I wanted to be.”
Of course, that is not the end of Gabriel’s story. It is simply a fleeting moment within a critical chapter of his life story.
Like any tale worth telling, his is authentic and filled with human emotion that goes well beyond the ice and locker room.
And it all began in Binghamton, New York, in October of 2018.
A Different Course
After a strong training camp in Newark, Gabriel began the season in the AHL with the Binghamton Devils. He recalled John Hynes, the then-head coach of the Devils, telling him, “You did well enough to be (in New Jersey), and we are going to use you at some point.”
While it was not ideal, Binghamton offered a fresh start. With a new mindset, Gabriel settled in and quickly began forming chemistry with his new linemates, Kevin Rooney and Nathan Bastian. At the time, Rooney was on a one-way contract for the following season, and the organization was high on Bastian as a second-round draft pick. If Gabriel could form chemistry with them, there may be a future in New Jersey with the trio making up the Devils' fourth line.
“Two assists in the first two games and we were playing 15 minutes a night,” Gabriel explained. “I was drafted in Newark, New Jersey. Red, black, and white are my colors. I was thinking I got this. This is it. This is perfect. This is my home.”
Everything changed on what started as a seemingly normal night at work. He arrived at the rink and began his preparations for the game. He was quickly interrupted, asked what he was doing there, and whether he had checked the lineup.
It was then that he realized he was not in the lineup that night. Gabriel’s next stop was the office of Mark Dennehy, who served as Binghamton’s head coach. Eventually, the winger’s agent explained that his sitting as a healthy scratch was an organizational decision, as he was no longer considered a prospect and they needed to get other guys in the lineup. The bottom line was that it did not matter how well Gabriel played; the situation was entirely out of his control.
“I was depressed,” he recalled. “I was contemplating quitting hockey and walking away. I couldn't deal with the mental turmoil and how unfair it was — the injustice.
“At this time, my identity was so wrapped up in hockey,” he continued. “It was who I was."
That emotional heaviness stuck with Gabriel and was present when he made his Devils debut against the New York Islanders at Barclays Center. He felt useless in that game - placed into the lineup for toughness, when, at that time, he was not even a regular in an AHL lineup.
“I felt like an imposter,” he recalled. “A piece of meat. A head of cattle with a number. I was completely checked out both mentally and physically.”
After one appearance in a Devils uniform, Gabriel was sent back to Binghamton.
The Crossroads
It was at this point that Gabriel found himself at a crossroads: either quit, or, if my career was going to fizzle out in irrelevancy, I was going to go down swinging, so I could at least look myself in the mirror.
He chose to persevere.
“I decided to go to the rink super early, train crazy hard, practice all out, and stay late after. Every day," he said.
The Binghamton Devils held practices at Floyd L. Maines Veterans Memorial Arena, and in addition to everything on the ice, his life off the ice began to take a toll as the city of Binghamton is known for its cloudy days and gloomy winters.
“I was so miserable,” he said. “It was just depressing. I remember thinking I don't care if I am going to be depressed, I am going to get to work. I am just going to go through 10 walls so I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day.
“I hated myself at that point.”
At Floyd Arena, Dennehy blew the whistle to signal the first battle drill of practice. Gabriel’s teammates were not expecting him to suddenly roar to life after being depressed for almost two months, as he did not ease into the drill. He put himself at the front of the line to charge into the zone for a 3-on-3 small area game, and buried a veteran defenseman with a huge hit that he was never expecting.
“I went out, and I played it like it was game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals,” he said. “I went out, and I hit people like I was trying to hurt them, and everybody was losing it. They were not happy. Guys were screaming at me after the first drill.”
Unbothered, Gabriel went and grabbed a drink of water.
“I remember yelling that I was not going to stop doing that until I got to play more,” he continued. “They could tell whoever they had to tell, but I was going to start running people over, and they can't do a damn thing about it.”
True to his word, a couple of days later, things physically came to a head.
His then-teammate, Michael McLeod, turned near the boards in a drill, and Gabriel buried him with a hit from behind. One of Binghamton’s veteran defenseman, Eric Gryba, took exception and fought Gabriel in the middle of practice in front of their coaching staff and teammates.
“I picked my gloves back up and went back in line and said, Let's go again,” Gabriel said. “I just didn’t care anymore.”
When reflecting on this chapter of his life, Gabriel shared that the fight with Gryba served as a crossroads. In that moment, there was a realization that a choice needed to be made: either he continued to be in victim mode or transition into what he today calls “creator mode.” Where life is happening not to you, but for you
“I started taking action, and that's what we all need to do,” he explained. “We need to lean into discomfort because life begins outside our comfort zone. At this time of my life, there was no balance. I was either all in with effort or all out in depression. Action was only the on/off switch. Once I took action, I was good.”
Decision & Action
The sudden change in his mindset led to positive results: Gabriel started playing regularly again in Binghamton, and when he received his call-up and returned to the Devils’ lineup in February, he was ready to take advantage, appearing in 12 games.
“Everything turned when I started getting consistent games,” he said. “John Hynes started making comments about me in the media, saying, ‘he's got some hands to make some plays, as well as all the hits and all the energy he brings.’
“One day, Hynes pulled me to the side and told me that I was going to be in New Jersey for the rest of the season. I was speechless. I walked away thinking oh my god, I'm going to be in the NHL for the next three months and never have to worry about getting sent down.”
Between February and March, Gabriel played 21 games for the Devils, scoring two goals and picking up four points. He embraced his role as an enforcer, dropping the gloves four times. Although if he had it his way, he would have averaged a fight per game.
“I was out of my mind, so happy,” he recalled. “I fulfilled my dream. I thought I was going to get to stay here and prove that I deserve a one-way contract next year. This is my place. This is my family. These are my people.”
In late March, Gabriel faced another obstacle. He saw his season come to an end after a hit by Buffalo Sabres’ forward Vladimir Sobotka left the Devils winger with a concussion.
When it was time for exit interviews, which is usually when a player meets with his head coach and management, Gabriel found himself only in an interview with Hynes.
“I guess I should have known what that meant,” he recalled.
When free agency hit, Gabriel and his agent never heard from the Devils. Calls went unreturned, prompting another depressive episode before he dug himself out and eventually continued his career with the Philadelphia Flyers organization.
It was a tumultuous ending to his Devils tenure that, for years, cast a dark shadow over this chapter of his life. This was the second time he had thought he made the NHL, only to find out he was naively mistaken. It wasn’t until November 6th, 2024, that Gabriel had his spiritual breakthrough and could see his time in New Jersey for what it truly was.
“It was definitely the most exhilarating, fun chapter I had,” he said with a smile.
Now retired, Gabriel has put the role of hockey player and enforcer in the rearview mirror. It took time, but the 32-year-old has found his role outside the confines of the rink. He now wears many hats as a speaker, storyteller, coach, and soon-to-be author, with his own memoir coming out in 2026.
Gabriel’s story is filled with authenticity and raw emotion. While very few can relate to being a professional athlete and the grind that accompanies that career, many can relate to the overwhelming feelings of depression and anxiety. Gabriel is the first to tell those individuals that they are not alone, and if his story can help just one person who feels haunted and consumed by despair, it will all be worth it because, at this moment in his life, that is the goal worth celebrating.
For a deep dive into his entire story to this point in his life, his book will be coming out April 20th, 2026.
Until then, he invites all who feel called to connect with him on social media. He currently simulcasts livestreams Sunday-Wednesday from 7-9pm EST from the platform Kick, where you can easily make a free account, as well as Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook @KurtisGabriel. He will also be launching his public speaking career, as well as a podcast in the coming months.
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